The Velvet Rage

The Velvet Rage
Author: Alan Downs
Publisher: Da Capo Lifelong Books
Total Pages: 224
Release: 2006-04-25
Genre: Psychology
ISBN: 9780738210612

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The gay male world today is characterized by seductive beauty, artful creativity, flamboyant sexuality, and, encouragingly, unprecedented acceptability in society. Yet despite the progress of the recent past, gay men still find themselves asking, "Are we really better off?" The inevitable byproduct of growing up gay in a straight world continues to be the internalization of shame, a shame gay men may strive to obscure with a fa?ade of beauty, creativity, or material success. Drawing on contemporary psychological research, the author's own journey to be free of anger and of shame, as well as the stories of many of his friends and clients, The Velvet Rage outlines the three distinct stages to emotional well-being for gay men. Offering profoundly beneficial strategies to stop the insidious cycle of avoidance and self-defeating behavior, The Velvet Rage is an empowering book that will influence the public discourse on gay culture, and positively change the lives of gay men who read it.

The Velvet Rage

The Velvet Rage
Author: Alan Downs
Publisher: Hachette UK
Total Pages: 259
Release: 2012-06-05
Genre: Social Science
ISBN: 0738215856

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This groundbreaking and empowering book examines the impact of growing up and surviving as a gay man in a society still learning to accept all identities. In The Velvet Rage, psychologist Alan Downs draws on his own struggle with shame and anger, contemporary research, and stories from his patients to passionately describe the stages of a gay man's journey out of shame and offers practical and inspired strategies to stop the cycle of avoidance and self-defeating behavior. The Velvet Rage is an empowering book that has already changed the public discourse on gay culture and helped shape the identity of an entire generation of gay men.

Out of the Shadows

Out of the Shadows
Author: Walt Odets
Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux
Total Pages: 368
Release: 2019-06-04
Genre: Social Science
ISBN: 0374719322

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A moving exploration of how gay men construct their identities, fight to be themselves, and live authentically It goes without saying that even today, it’s not easy to be gay in America. While young gay men often come out more readily, even those from the most progressive of backgrounds still struggle with the legacy of early-life stigma and a deficit of self-acceptance, which can fuel doubt, regret, and, at worst, self-loathing. And this is to say nothing of the ongoing trauma wrought by AIDS, which is all too often relegated to history. Drawing on his work as a clinical psychologist during and in the aftermath of the epidemic, Walt Odets reflects on what it means to survive and figure out a way to live in a new, uncompromising future, both for the men who endured the upheaval of those years and for the younger men who have come of age since then, at a time when an HIV epidemic is still ravaging the gay community, especially among the most marginalized. Through moving stories—of friends and patients, and his own—Odets considers how experiences early in life launch men on trajectories aimed at futures that are not authentically theirs. He writes to help reconstruct how we think about gay life by considering everything from the misleading idea of “the homosexual,” to the diversity and richness of gay relationships, to the historical role of stigma and shame and the significance of youth and of aging. Crawling out from under the trauma of destructive early-life experience and the two epidemics, and into a century of shifting social values, provides an opportunity to explore possibilities rather than live with limitations imposed by others. Though it is drawn from decades of private practice, activism, and life in the gay community, Odets’s work achieves remarkable universality. At its core, Out of the Shadows is driven by his belief that it is time that we act based on who we are and not who others are or who they would want us to be. We—particularly the young—must construct our own paths through life. Out of the Shadows is a necessary, impassioned argument for how and why we must all take hold of our futures.

Straight Jacket

Straight Jacket
Author: Matthew Todd
Publisher: Black Swan
Total Pages: 0
Release: 2018
Genre: Gay men
ISBN: 9780552778404

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Written by Matthew Todd, editor of Attitude, the UK's best-selling gay magazine, Straight Jacket is a revolutionary clarion call for gay men, the wider LGBT community, their friends and family. Part memoir, part ground-breaking polemic, it looks beneath the shiny facade of contemporary gay culture and asks if gay people are as happy as they could be - and if not, why not? In an attempt to find the answers to this and many other difficult questions, Matthew Todd explores why statistics show a disproportionate number of gay people suffer from mental health problems, including anxiety, depression, addiction, suicidal thoughts and behaviour, and why significant numbers experience difficulty in sustaining meaningful relationships.

10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Improve Their Lives

10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Improve Their Lives
Author: Joe Kort
Publisher: ReadHowYouWant.com
Total Pages: 322
Release: 2010-11-26
Genre: Social Science
ISBN: 1459608429

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Openly gay therapist Joe Kort provides 10 powerful and positive steps gay men can take to isolate and overcome self-defeating behavior patterns, and move in healthier and more rewarding directions: Take Charge of Their Own Lives Affirm Themselves by Coming Out Resolve Differences With Parents and Relatives 'Graduate' From Delayed Adolescence Avoid - or Overcome - Sexual Addiction -Learn from Successful Mentors Whove Been There, Done That Take Advantage of 'Therapy Workouts' Achieve - and Maintain - Rewarding Relationships Understand the Stages of Loves Commit to Their Partner.These solid and reliable 'Top 10' life steps that have been most helpful to Joe Korts clients in his 16 years of working with hundreds of gay men, are presented in an engaging and easy-to-understand manner and are supplemented by case histories from his practice. These are time-tested, practical decisions gay men can make in their search for emotional, sexual and personal fulfillment

Why Does This Keep Happening To Me?

Why Does This Keep Happening To Me?
Author: Alan Downs
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Total Pages: 272
Release: 2002-01-26
Genre: Self-Help
ISBN: 0743223691

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I Can't Believe This Is Happening to Me...Again! "Why does this keep happening to me?" is the question most commonly asked by those entering psychotherapy for the first time. Whether we can't stop dating the wrong guy or taking the wrong job, gaining and losing weight, or getting into debt, it is the repeating patterns in our lives that cause us the most pain and frustration. Now author and psychologist Alan Downs shows us all how we can break these cycles...for good! After fifteen years of working with people from all walks of life -- including executives, homemakers, young adults, and the elderly -- Dr. Downs has identified seven crises that every one of us will face at some point during our lifetime. In Why Does This Keep Happening to Me?, Downs uses his revolutionary Crisis Quiz to show us which of these crises is at the root of our repeating behavior. Downs includes quizzes, exercises, and real-life examples to help us resolve universal issues, including Who will I share my life with? Why can't I believe in myself? How can I become my own person? What does it all mean? With wisdom and compassion, Downs leads us from recognition to recovery, showing us how we can apply our new knowledge and triumph over destructive patterns, breaking the cycle once and for all.

Discomfortable

Discomfortable
Author: A.J. Bond
Publisher: North Atlantic Books
Total Pages: 346
Release: 2021-09-07
Genre: Self-Help
ISBN: 1623175569

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The go-to guide to understand and unpack shame: what it is, why we feel it, and how to undo the lies it tells us about ourselves. Are you ready to get Discomfortable? This is a book about shame: what it is, why we have it, and how we can break its hold on our happiness. We all know shame: it's that feeling that tells us that somehow, who we are is inherently wrong. It's more than embarrassment or regret: it shakes us to the core. And most of all, it tells us that we need to be, feel, and act differently in order to be seen, loved, and accepted. Author and "shame-ed" coach AJ Bond takes us through his own shame breakthrough, sharing how he went from I'd rather die than be gay to uncovering and reclaiming his inherent wholeness and worth. With unexpected humor, warmth, and candid personal stories, Bond shows readers: Why shame shows up--the trauma, fixed mindsets, and messaging that give it a foothold How shame tricks you into believing there's something wrong with you, even when you're perfectly right The evolutionary reasons we humans developed a sense of shame (and why it doesn't serve us today) How to manage and deprogram shame through connection, gratitude, and empowered choice How we can re-parent ourselves, be fully seen, and feel fully loved Bond shines a light on this feeling that doesn't want to be seen, heard, or named--and invites us to bring our own shame into the open and release it to reclaim and reframe our lives in a powerful new way.

Coming Out of Shame

Coming Out of Shame
Author: Gershen Kaufman
Publisher: Doubleday Books
Total Pages: 312
Release: 1996
Genre: Psychology
ISBN:

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Gershen Kaufman and Lev Raphael expose the role shame has come to play in the lives of gay men and lesbians. The authors break the silence surrounding gay and lesbian experience so that individuals can "come out" of shame and begin a path toward personal growth and acceptance.

The Best Little Boy in the World

The Best Little Boy in the World
Author: Andrew Tobias
Publisher: Ballantine Books
Total Pages: 257
Release: 1993-05-11
Genre: Biography & Autobiography
ISBN: 0345381769

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The classic account of growing up gay in America. "The best little boy in the world never had wet dreams or masturbated; he always topped his class, honored mom and dad, deferred to elders and excelled in sports . . . . The best little boy in the world was . . . the model IBM exec . . . The best little boy in the world was a closet case who 'never read anything about homosexuality.' . . . John Reid comes out slowly, hilariously, brilliantly. One reads this utterly honest account with the shock of recognition." The New York Times "The quality of this book is fantastic because it comes of equal parts honesty and logic and humor. It is far from being the story of a Gay crusader, nor is it the story of a closet queen. It is the story of a normal boy growing into maturity without managing to get raped into, or taunted because of, his homosexuality. . . . He is bright enough to be aware of his hangups and the reasons for them. And he writes well enough that he doesn't resort to sensationalism . . . ." San Francisco Bay Area Reporter

When We Rise

When We Rise
Author: Cleve Jones
Publisher: Hachette Books
Total Pages: 283
Release: 2016-11-29
Genre: Biography & Autobiography
ISBN: 0316315443

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This sweeping memoir tells the life story of longtime LGBTQ and AIDS activist Cleve Jones in a profoundly moving account from sexually liberated 1970s San Francisco, through the AIDS crisis, and up to his involvement with the marriage equality battle. Born in 1954, Cleve Jones was among the last generation of gay Americans who grew up wondering if there were others out there like himself. There were. Like thousands of other young people, Jones, nearly penniless, was drawn in the early 1970s to San Francisco, a city electrified by progressive politics and sexual freedom. Jones found community--in the hotel rooms and ramshackle apartments shared by other young adventurers, in the city's bathhouses and gay bars like The Stud, and in the burgeoning gay district, the Castro, where a New York transplant named Harvey Milk set up a camera shop, began shouting through his bullhorn, and soon became the nation's most outspoken gay elected official. With Milk's encouragement, Jones dove into politics and found his calling in "the movement." When Milk was killed by an assassin's bullet in 1978, Jones took up his mentor's progressive mantle--only to see the arrival of AIDS transform his life once again. By turns tender and uproarious, When We Rise is Jones' account of his remarkable life. He chronicles the heartbreak of losing countless friends to AIDS, which very nearly killed him, too; his co-founding of the San Francisco AIDS Foundation during the terrifying early years of the epidemic; his conception of the AIDS Memorial Quilt, the largest community art project in history; the bewitching story of 1970s San Francisco and the magnetic spell it cast for thousands of young gay people and other misfits; and the harrowing, sexy, and sometimes hilarious stories of Cleve's passionate relationships with friends and lovers during an era defined by both unprecedented freedom and and violence alike. When We Rise is not only the story of a hero to the LQBTQ community, but the vibrantly voice memoir of a full and transformative American life. Lambda Literary Award Winner The partial inspiration for the ABC television mini-series! "You could read Cleve Jones's book because you should know about the struggle for gay, lesbian, and transgender rights from one of its key participants--maybe heroes--but really, you should read it for pleasure and joy."--Rebecca Solnit, author of Men Explain Things to Me