Mortuary Confidential

Mortuary Confidential
Author: Todd Harra
Publisher: Citadel
Total Pages: 257
Release: 2021-12-28
Genre: Biography & Autobiography
ISBN: 0806541393

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From rookie mistakes and runaway corpses to screaming dead men and unusual requests, a collection of stories by funeral directors.

Over Our Dead Bodies:

Over Our Dead Bodies:
Author: Kenneth McKenzie
Publisher: Citadel
Total Pages: 256
Release: 2014-06-01
Genre: Biography & Autobiography
ISBN: 0806536659

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Discover a more lighthearted side of the funeral industry in this collection of real-life stories from the authors of Mortuary Confidential. Not knowing what to do, I sat on the church steps and waited. As the gravity of my failure began to well up in me, I began to cry . . . I Had Lost The Hearse! Funerals and the all the things that accompany them are traditionally somber, contemplative events in which the bereaved look to their undertaker to guide them through that most difficult of times. Of course, sometimes tradition gets thrown under the bus. From a dysfunctional family who turn their mother’s wake into a full-blown riot, to funeral crashers looking for free meals, to a horse-drawn hearse taking the dearly departed for the ride of their afterlife, these accounts from actual undertakers will have you laughing, thinking, and gasping in disbelief. A literal graveyard of wild coincidences, slapstick humor, and touching moments, Over Our Dead Bodies explores the lighter side of the dead, the living, and the lone undertaker who must make it all go as planned—even if it doesn’t. Praise for Mortuary Confidential “Outrageous funeral stories, dipped in beauty and morbid humor.” —Caleb Wilde, author of Confessions of a Funeral Director “Curious, wildly honest stories that need to be told, but just not at the dinner table.” —Dana Kollmann, author of Never Suck a Dead Man’s Hand “As unpredictable and lively as a bunch of drunks at a New Orleans funeral.” —Joe R. Lansdale, author of Moon Lake “Sick, funny, and brilliant! I love this book.” —Jonathan Maberry, Bram Stoker Award–winning author of They Bite! And Rot & Ruin “These true mortuary tales are poignant—and suddenly, gaspi

Curtains

Curtains
Author: Tom Jokinen
Publisher: Da Capo Press
Total Pages: 290
Release: 2010-03-23
Genre: Biography & Autobiography
ISBN: 0306818965

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At forty-four, Tom Jokinen decided to quit his job in order to become an apprentice undertaker, setting out to ask the questions: What is the right thing to do when someone dies? With the marketplace offering new options (go green, go anti-corporate, go Disney, be packed into an artificial reef and dropped in the Atlantic...), is there still room for tradition? In a year of adventures both hair-raising and hilarious, Jokinen finds a world that is radically changed since Jessica Mitford revised The American Way of Death, more surprising than Six Feet Under, and even funnier and more illuminating than Stiff. If Bill Bryson were to apprentice at a funeral home, searching for the meaning of life and death, you'd have Curtains.

Over Our Dead Bodies:

Over Our Dead Bodies:
Author: Kenneth McKenzie
Publisher: Citadel
Total Pages: 257
Release: 2021-07-27
Genre: Biography & Autobiography
ISBN: 0806541415

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Presents a new collection of accounts from actual undertakers--including tales of slapstick humor, wild coincidences, and touching moments--that highlight the lighter side of death.

Does This Mean You'll See Me Naked?

Does This Mean You'll See Me Naked?
Author: Robert Webster
Publisher: Sourcebooks, Inc.
Total Pages: 249
Release: 2011-05-01
Genre: Social Science
ISBN: 1402250843

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Why would someone want to hang out with dead bodies? With curious anecdotes and unbelievable truth, funeral director Robert Webster reveals that answer and more, offering readers entertaining and quirky stories gleaned from a life lived around death. Webster tackles those embarrassing questions we all have about what really goes on bhind the scenes when you've left this world: Strange things people put in caskets The biggest rip-offs in the business The crazy things that happen to a body after death Lime, waz, and other ways to hide the truth The most important thing an undertaker does How to avoid the high-pressure funeral parlor What that's not a coffin the body is resting in

Undertaker Tales: What They Don't Teach You at Mortuary School

Undertaker Tales: What They Don't Teach You at Mortuary School
Author: Norgus Press
Publisher: Norgus Press
Total Pages: 184
Release: 2011-10-01
Genre: Fiction
ISBN: 9780615545820

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The Undertaker. After you have breathed your final breath the Undertaker prepares your body for the afterlife. They carry the burden of making you at ease in your new home for all eternity. The stories these brave men and women could tell! We have gathered but a few for you today in these pages. UNDERTAKER TALES IS A FICTIONAL ANTHOLOGY OF HORROR STORIES.

Down Among the Dead Men

Down Among the Dead Men
Author: Michelle Williams
Publisher: Hachette UK
Total Pages: 281
Release: 2010-06-24
Genre: Biography & Autobiography
ISBN: 1849014639

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Michelle Williams is young and attractive, she has close family ties as well as a busy social life - but she is far from usual. She is a mortuary technician and her job involves dealing with those things in life that many people do not wish to experience directly. Yet life in the mortuary is neither gruesome nor sad. Told with good humour and common sense, we are introduced to a host of characters - the pathologists, many of them eccentric, some downright mad; the undertakers, the hospital porters and the man from the coroner's office who sings to Michelle every morning. The incidents too ensure that no two days are ever the same. From the tragic to the hilarious they include: The fitness fanatic who was run over as he did pressups in the road on a dark night The decapitated motorcyclist The guide dog who led his owner on to the railway tracks - and left him there The forty stone man for whom an entire refrigerated lorry had to be hired because he wouldn't fit in the mortuary cooler Over the course of her first year Michelle has to deal with situations and emotions that few of us will ever experience, and does so while retaining a sense of humour and a sense of perspective.

Confessions of a Funeral Director

Confessions of a Funeral Director
Author: Caleb Wilde
Publisher: HarperCollins
Total Pages: 164
Release: 2017-09-26
Genre: Religion
ISBN: 0062465260

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The blogger behind Confessions of a Funeral Director—what Time magazine called a "must read"—reflects on mortality and the powerful lessons death holds for every one of us in this compassionate and thoughtful spiritual memoir that combines the humor and insight of Smoke Gets in Your Eyes with the poignancy and brevity of When Breath Becomes Air. We are a people who deeply fear death. While humans are biologically wired to evade death for as long as possible, we have become too adept at hiding from it, vilifying it, and—when it can be avoided no longer—letting the professionals take over. Sixth-generation funeral director Caleb Wilde understands this reticence and fear. He had planned to get as far away from the family business as possible. He wanted to make a difference in the world, and how could he do that if all the people he worked with were . . . dead? Slowly, he discovered that caring for the deceased and their loved ones was making a difference—in other people’s lives to be sure, but it also seemed to be saving his own. A spirituality of death began to emerge as he observed: The family who lovingly dressed their deceased father for his burial The act of embalming a little girl that offered a gift back to her grieving family The nursing home that honored a woman’s life by standing in procession as her body was taken away The funeral that united a conflicted community Through stories like these, told with equal parts humor and poignancy, Wilde offers an intimate look into the business and a new perspective on living and dying

The Chick and the Dead

The Chick and the Dead
Author: Carla Valentine
Publisher: St. Martin's Press
Total Pages: 302
Release: 2017-06-13
Genre: Biography & Autobiography
ISBN: 1250120683

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"Using the most common post-mortem process as the backbone of the narrative, [this book] takes the reader through the process of an autopsy while also describing the history and changing cultures of our relationship with the dead. The book [examines] what happens to our bodies in the end. Each chapter considers an aspect of an autopsy alongside an aspect of Carla's own life and work and touches on some of the more controversial aspects of our feelings towards death, including the relationship between sex and death and our attitudes toward human tissue collection"--

It's Your Funeral!

It's Your Funeral!
Author: Kathy Benjamin
Publisher: Quirk Books
Total Pages: 177
Release: 2021-08-17
Genre: Self-Help
ISBN: 1683692950

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You can’t attend your own funeral. But you can have a blast planning it! Death is scary—but planning your funeral doesn't have to be! It's Your Funeral! will help demystify death, decrease your anxiety, and put the fun back in funeral, whether that means a drunken bacchanal or a somber reflection on just how great you were. Every stage of the legacy planning process is considered, from a burial outfit to a funeral theme. Practical and cheeky questions alike are answered, including: • What is the most eco-friendly burial method? • Can I write my own obituary? • Can my body be shot into space after I die? • How can I manage my digital legacy? Offering a plethora of curious facts, strange stories, and inspiration to help you think outside the coffin, It’s Your Funeral! includes worksheets that will ensure your wishes are recorded for posterity. Planning for death should be the time of your life, so let’s get started!