'We come for the glitter, but instead we get the grit, in stories told with insight, tenderness and joy.' - Russell T Davies With a foreword by Steph McGovern 'I never thought I'd write a memoir. I never thought I'd do a lot of the things I have done in my thirty-four years, but life has a wonderful way of surprising us.' Well-known as the winner of the third series of The Great British Bake Off and runner up of Strictly Come Dancing with his same-sex dance partner Johannes Radebe, John Whaite's personal story is a complicated narrative of contradictions, highs and lows, told with tenderness, joy, insight and wit, but also unflinching honesty. A shy little boy from rural Lancashire, who was scared to sleep alone and danced a little 'too gay' at family weddings, he was also an unruly teen who shaved a checkerboard pattern into his hair and refused to conform. From childhood his life has revolved around food - his parents owned a fish and chip shop where John worked in the back peeling potatoes - but for long periods he has been haunted by bulimia and body dysmorphia and not a day goes by when he doesn't worry about what or how much he eats. He achieved TV fame but then seemingly wilfully chose to self-destruct, before finding the strength to pull back when he woke up in a car with half a kebab at his feet and chilli sauce on his shoes. Through it all, his essential optimism has meant that he has chosen to take every step back as a chance to reassess and begin again, finally arriving at the realisation that external validation and fulfilment is transient - a distraction from the sometimes painful pilgrimage we make as we gain wisdom from our experiences.